The Year of Firsts

So it's the end of yet another year... I can't believe it's flown by so quickly. It seems I should be standing back in December of 2014 instead of having raced to the end of this one. But instead I'm sitting on a stool at the kitchen island listening to my family recounting their favorite memories of 2015. It's December 31st  - which means it's time to write the traditional year end summary post. The tradition started with this blog's first post. I wanted to start a blog and I didn't want to do it on New Year's Day.

There are tons of ways to sum up a year and there are myriads of memories that make up the sum of a year. Generally though I try to sum up each year with a word. Just one word. 2013 was steady or routinely exciting or maybe just simply great (even if I didn't always know it haha). 2014 was transitions. And this year... well, I struggled more trying to figure out a word for this year than others. At first I thought of the year of goodbyes. It started optimistically enough. After a year of transitions, I waited reservedly enthusiastic the last night of 2014 to welcome the new year in. The year was initiated with the death of my great uncle. It continued with one after goodbye. I broke up with a boyfriend, ministry opportunities that had opened up while I was in school closed or tapered off, positions shifted. Within the last few days I was scheduled for "retirement" from an writing forum. It was the first place where I learned what it means to be passionate about a people group. I discovered I love teens, especially Christian ones that feel like they need to keep their life together but are falling apart at the seams internally. Another organization I had a lot of dealings with in college I just learned today has been dissolved. There were a lot of times this year where forks in the road were reached and travel companions' maps directed them to turn off at a different junction from me. The Master Mapmaker has a unique plan for each person. Some goodbyes, like breaking up or shifting positions, I don't regret because I knew they were the right thing to do as I was doing them but I'd be lying if I denied they didn't have pain attached to them. Others, like the writing forum, I didn't want to say at all but they had to be done.

Goodbyes bring a bit of wistfulness but I don't regret a thing - my philosophy is if God is sovereign and has a plan and I'm choosing to give my life to Him, He'll make sure I don't miss His will. It's not that bad things won't happen or I'm not foolish and stupid sometimes. But I know He's in control and He arranges everything for a purpose. So no need to worry about the past or be scared of the future.

Along that lines, I don't like labeling years negatively... or anything for that matter. God is good. Always. So... I kept pondering. You know something? Every goodbye brings in a new time of life. It brings in some missing sure but it brings in something else - a new phase of life. It brings in firsts. Some firsts aren't so great of course - like moving on from the loss of a loved one. But you bring with you all the experience and wisdom those previous things gave you. You can choose to join in wholeheartedly in the next phase of life whatever that is. Sometimes it's hard. But it's worth it. God makes all things news - hearts, minds, lives. So firsts, even the hard ones, can be a good thing.

Some of this year's firsts included officially pursuing growing my business, getting my first real paycheck, sending off an article, researching more avenues for jobs in my field than I like to remember, flying internationally, visiting an island, building deeper friendships with a couple of very special people, getting real business cards (the ones I made when I was 10 or so don't count), seeing a Broadway Play, and making new friends. It was full of intangible firsts too... realization of what those big words you've thrown around all your life really mean, first understanding of what it means to let go, of what it means to pay the price, etc. Perhaps the most valuable lesson was really throwing myself into what other people were happy about... and reaping so much more happiness than I ever thought possible from it. People always made me happy. But this year I learned even more than ever how to forget whatever it is that could bring you down if you dwelt on it and immersing yourself full force into what someone else is doing. Eventually, you can be happier than them over them being happy. It's quite wonderful.

"It's a fine life." - Newsies "Carrying the Banner"

It's a very fine life. So full of love, sacrifice, strong character, strength, and grace. I'm wearing my "life is good" cap my parents bought me before I embarked on so many adventures last year. It's been everywhere I have recently - disaster zones, internships, and Cayman. I'm excited to see what the next year brings. I'm sure it'll bring lots of transitions and firsts too. I'm also sure it'll bring a lot of greatness...

Here comes "What It Means to be Loved" on Spotify. Here's to another year of learning more fully "what it means to be loved." By all of you and You Who's always watching out for me. I hope I can give it back a little.

And here's to me not getting any more mushy and going to bed. Welcome new year.